All Points Bulletin!!

It's time to make some changes. Specifically, to my list. List item #6 in particular. Originally, I had planned on attempting to go on a date with someone I did NOT meet online. That was then. This is now. I have decided that instead of going out looking for love, I am going to let love come to me. It's hard to keep putting yourself out there and having things not work out. So I'm not going to. 

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not giving up on love. I still very much want to share my life with someone and give them all the love I have to give, which is a lot. But it's time to let things happen naturally. Love will come my way, I'm sure of it. They say when you stop looking for love, you find it. Time for the ever-present, yet oh, so mysterious "they" to prove it. 

Since I have to replace any item I remove from the list, I have decided to add "De-cluttering un-needed items from my life". I have WAY too much shit.



And now to make myself accountable for what I've been doing so far. The turducken is complete. That's one. I am still working on items 9 and 10 (Stop picking my cuticles and Get better at getting up in the morning), with varying degrees of success. I've only given away 50 cents so far, but my friends are not doing a very good job at catching me, if I'm being honest (sorry guys!). I've made myself more aware of it and am stopping MYSELF from time to time, and my fingers look better (ie. less bloody), but I've picked everyday so far, so that manicure I promised myself after 2 weeks of no picking is looking like a very faint glimmer in my distant future. And the morning thing....still a crap storm of nope.


I've also gotten some information on the fencing classes, so they should hopefully be starting up soon. Yeah. Imma look like Inigo. I'm also planning to start sewing again, and now that I'm only about 12 pounds from my final goal weight I think I can make some clothes that will fit me, so a bright, shiny new piece of clothing should be coming soon.



So now you know what to look for in my upcoming posts. And hopefully you'll see a picture of my pretty, manicured hands in about 2 weeks. Pray for me...

How to Make Friends and Stop Picking Your Fingers

I hate this time of year. I can't explain it, but every year from New Years until sometime in March I just feel off. It could be the cold weather, which I hate. It could be the dry air from turning the heaters on, which parches my skin and leaves my nose itchy. It could be the fact that February has traditionally been a horrible month for me. I was dumped in February twice. By the same guy. 6 years apart. Yup. Should have learned my lesson the first time apparently. And of course there's Valentine's Day. Also not a traditionally joyous day for me. 

Whatever it is, the Winter blues seem to be hitting me harder than usual this year. I'm not sleeping. I don't really want to make plans. I seem to be worrying more than normal about things that I really shouldn't worry about. And my conversational skills are slipping. I run out of topics quickly and I'm not as witty as usual. Even this blog post isn't funny. I'm a mess.


I'm doing what I can to try to get myself out of this funk. I've started taking Vitamin D (the sunshine vitamin!) and Melatonin to help me sleep, which seems to be working the last few nights. I'm forcing myself to go out even if I don't want to (and I end up enjoying myself of course) and I'm trying to stay calm and not overthink things. And I swear, this blog post will be funny be the time I'm done. But I'm a work in progress, so please be patient with me. Tell me I'm pretty and give me a cookie.

In addition to all these things, I decided to give myself a project. I'm going to keep working on the getting up early thing, but when you're not sleeping, every second of sleep counts, so it hasn't really been a priority for me lately. So I needed a NEW project. Enter DERMATILLOMANIA.

Yes folks, that's right. I apparently have yet another disorder/syndrome thing that no one has ever heard of. Check it out here. It's official, I'm in the DSM. Basically, what it means is that I have this compulsive habit of picking my fingers. I don't even notice I'm doing it most of the time. It's especially bad when I'm at the movies or doing something else that doesn't keep my hands busy. Although that's not the only time. I'm doing it as I write this. 


Now, you may think "So what? So you pull the occasional hang-nail". Unfortunately, it's so much more than that. My fingers are always rough and usually bleeding. They hurt. I've gotten infections. They look awful and it's embarrassing. Every time I have a manicure I get a lecture. And I'm sick of it.



Time to call on my behavioural training. I work with preschoolers with Autism, so I spend a lot of time figuring out how to change behaviours. But it's a bit different when it's your OWN behaviour you're trying to change. I looked up some suggestions on how to stop, and the first one listed was "wear gloves". Yeah. Not sure that'll be easy to explain in my professional life. I'll be one step away from a Michael Jackson face mask. Another was to write down how I'm feeling when I pick. At this point in time I'm pretty much always feeling slightly anxious, and I don't think pointing it out will really help. Staying busy was another suggestion. I already keep pretty busy and still manage to pick. That left 2 suggestions, which I'll be combining and turning into behavioural techniques. And this is where you guys benefit.

I will be combining negative punishment and positive reinforcement to change my behaviour. The first step is the negative punishment. Every time someone catches me picking my fingers I will immediately have to give them a quarter. So yes, I will constantly have pockets full of change for the next little while. I'm not sure how giving away my money will help me beat the winter blues, but maybe it'll shock me into submission. Hopefully it goes quickly and I won't cause a quarter shortage. Too bad arcades aren't on every corner anymore or you guys would be all set.


The second step will be to positively reinforce myself for going 2 weeks without picking by treating myself to a manicure. It'll be so nice to get one that doesn't hurt and to not have to listen to the manicurist tell me not to pick. I have no idea how long this will take me to achieve, but maybe I'll be a better behavioural therapist than I think. 




So there you have it. I have a plan. And some of you are going to make some serious money off me. But hopefully it'll work and I'll be able to proudly show off my fancy new blood-free hands. And maybe succeeding in this will help bust me out of this slump I've been in. But telling me I'm pretty will still help ;-)

This post is STILL not funny. Hurry up March!

Poultry Parts Unknown

**Warning: Due the graphic and mature nature of this blog post, reader discretion is advised**

Especially if you are a member of the poultry family.

So, I planned to do this list item last year, but my focus just wasn't there so it didn't happen. This year I was determined to get it done. I decided to make it for my parents and I on Christmas Day. We typically have out big meal with my aunt, uncle and cousins on Christmas Eve, and this year they hosted, leaving us with no leftovers. Unacceptable. Hence, my decision to cook a turducken for my house. Not sure why I thought there wouldn't be enough meat for a dinner for more than 3 people, but I suppose I didn't really think about logistics. Live and learn.

In preparation for my culinary adventure, I read a few how-to articles online. I found one that seemed for the most part to do things the way I figured I'd like to do mine. I skipped the author's suggestion to stuff and brine the birds before cooking though. I've never brined a bird and didn't feel like this was the time to start. I'm also trying to get away from cooking the stuffing inside the turkey, because I've been having a hard time ensuring proper cooking temperatures in stuffed birds. Plus, I tend to make stock from my carcasses and I'm tired of ending up with soggy bread pieces in my pot. Yuggh. 

One thing the blogger commented on at the end of his process was how in future attempts he would buy boneless, skinless duck and chicken parts and use them, rather than de-boning them himself . "Pssh. Wimp", thought I. 

Yeah. About that...

He was right and I should have listened, but when I do something, I like to do it to the best of my, albeit sometimes regrettable, abilities, so de-bone them I did. You will learn about my thoughts on THAT pretty soon. The author did have a lot of ideas that I used, however, such as removing the skin from the inside birds. Who has 2 thumbs and doesn't want slimy skin swimming around in the middle of their beautiful Christmas dinner? This girl.

The rest of this post will be done mostly through pictures. There was a LOT of hand-washing done during this procedure, in order to bring you these lovely pictures without giving myself salmonella due to a raw-poultry-smeared phone. I hope you appreciate my dedication. A word of warning before we start; the following pictures are...well, they're pictures of carved up poultry carcasses, so they're kinda gross. 

Here they are. My lovely little barnyard beauties. Before I hacked them to pieces.

And these are my weapons of choice. Mostly because they're the best that I have. Pretty sure those scissors did not survive this ordeal with their integrity intact. We did some very bad things. 

I decided to de-bone the smaller birds the night before. I had a lot to do on cook day and didn't know how long it would take to de-bone a bird, so I did myself a favour and got the bulk of the work done on Christmas Eve. I started with the chicken....because it was small and I figured it'd be easier to replace it if I screwed it up. I also figured the bones would be smaller and easier to cut. EASIER is the key word here. NOT easy, regardless of size. 

Doesn't he look cute? Before I sliced him to bits.

The first thing I did was cut out the backbone. I used the scissors and away I went. Took me some time to figure out where to cut, and I ended up having to go back and re-cut some bone out, but it was not as difficult as I thought it would be. 

Poor spine-less chicken...

Next I removed the ribcage. This proved more difficult than expected. It could have gone faster, but I wanted my meat to look pretty. I didn't want you darling readers to think I was a savage.

And here we go! I was so concerned about keeping it all so nicely together...and then I realized that when I took the skin off...I would have 2 breasts and 2 legs. Womp. But they look pretty good, huh?

Next I moved on to the duck. I'd never really seen a duck before. Well, not one that wasn't swimming in a pond eating bread. It basically looks like a long, big chicken. Or small turkey. And the skin is ridiculous. It's like bird leather. Which, I guess it basically is...

I realized (once I started chopping it up) that the duck I had bought came with orange sauce. Panic ensued, as I had been merrily hacking away at the backbone, without looking inside the bird. Because, who looks inside a duck before they cut it? Luckily, I hadn't doused the inside of the carcass with sugary orange sauce. I pulled these two little packets of goo out of the duck...and threw them away. If I ever make Duck a L'Orange I will make my own damn sauce, thank you very much.

Back to the carnage. I cut out the duck's backbone, which was more challenging than the chicken, mostly due to its iron hide.

I then removed the ribcage and...it looked like a big pile of death. Which, again, I guess it was. I think the thing about duck is that the meat is a lot darker, so it looks more...murdery.

Once I took the skin off...after many minutes of struggling...I was left with these lovely pieces of meat. And went to bed. After cleaning tiny bits of bird flesh off of seemingly every exposed part of me. Seriously, my hack and slash method seemed better in theory than in operation.

The next afternoon I began to assemble my masterpiece, starting by de-boning the God forsaken turkey. I thought the duck skin was bad...until I faced the turkey bones. I felt like I was trying to de-bone Wolverine*.

*Non-nerd disclaimer; Wolverine's bones are made of adamantium, an almost indestructible metal.

Not sure why I included a picture of the turkey's neck there. And yes, that IS its neck, and nothing else. It looks like it should come with a reader discretion of its own, but it IS in fact a turkey neck.

So, same deal, removed the titanium-like backbone and ribcage. Fortunately this time I didn't have to remove the wings, legs  skin.

And here it is, splayed out for all to see. Not a dignified end for the poor guy.

And then the fun began. I realized as I started this that I should PROBABLY remove the leg bones, if I wanted to be able to slice nicely through the turducken. Another huge pain in the ass.

I seasoned the inside of the turkey with some butter, salt and turkey seasoning. In retrospect, the turkey spice between the layers of meat was a mistake, but the butter and salt were good. Next I laid down the duck, breasts inside and legs outside.

More seasoning, then the chicken. It was about this point that I realized I had made a huge mistake.



The next step of turducken 101 is to close the bird, stitch it up, flip it and put it in the roasting pan. Sounds straight forward, right.



Except that I forgot to get twine.








My dad found a roll of that scratchy brown jute stuff, which would clearly not work. I tried toothpicks. Too short. And I was covered in turkey slime and had to hold the thing together so all my work wouldn't go to waste. But then I had an idea....

Skewers. I sent my dad downstairs to get my skewers. And then he passed each one to me individually as I stabbed this poor, humiliated beast over and over, trying to hold the folds of flesh together. All I could do was laugh. It was such a Lisa-looking thing by the end of it. Only I could attempt to make a turducken and have it end up looking like a roadkill porcupine.

Luckily I got to flip it over (with some help from my trusty sidekick Dad, who held the pan while I flopped the thing in), so you couldn't see all that business with the skewers.

I slapped some more butter and spices on top and stood back to marvel at the spectacular creation before me before I popped it in the oven. Pretty proud of myself at this point, if a little concerned that it wouldn't be cooked in time, spurred on partially by my brother-in-law, who expressed serious doubts that we'd eat the thing at a reasonable hour. 

In the oven it went and a few hours later it was almost ready. Unfortunately I had to go out for about an hour and when I got back it was slightly overcooked.

But it looked like this!! Oh so glorious, if slightly difficult to get out of the pan. Turns out bones are important for stability...

Now, I am our family's official turkey carver, although to be fair I do less carving and more chunking. And this was the absolute easiest turkey to carve. Basically all I had to do was pull off the legs and wings and slice it up.

So I sliced it in half, and as you can see, it's a bit dry. Tasty though, especially when covered in cranberry sauce, which is the only REAL way to eat turkey. It was hard to get nice slices of it though, so I still ended up chunking the damn thing.

And here it is, all carved up! The chicken ended up being pretty much indistinguishable from the turkey, and some of the duck blended in with the dark turkey meat, but honestly, it was really good! I'd been warned that duck was greasy, but I didn't find that at all. The meat was really meaty, more like a beef flavour than a poultry flavour. I'd definitely eat it again.

Would I do it again? Definitely. But I would take the blogger's advice and buy boneless skinless duck and chicken and I sure as hell would remember the twine. I'd also keep a closer eye on it so it didn't overcook. Should you try it? Absolutely, especially if your idea of a fun holiday is flying bits of bird sticking to every surface in your kitchen. And be smarter than I was, and save the bones to make stock. That would have made a hell of a soup and I just stupidly threw them all out. 

I'm a different person now. I've seen things. Intense things. I've seen parts of a bird I didn't really know existed until this. I do now have this moderate fear that I'm going to end up as a suspect in a murder due to my new-found knowledge of bird anatomy. "Lisa Magee made a turducken for Christmas dinner in 2015. She has obvious experience with knives and dismembering bodies. Maybe she's our serial killer". But unless the victim is a member of the poultry family I think I'd be very uninformed. And given the amount of swearing ("Lisa, it's Christmas!" my mom said) and sweating I did, it isn't something I'd take up again without a significant amount of convincing. Unless I did this...

Decisions, Decisions

And so, it's time to begin. There are a lot of big ticket items on my list this year. In fact, it makes me feel a bit overwhelmed when I think about getting them all done. Part of me wants to jump right in and try to do everything at once, but if there's anything I've learned through my work, it's that it's sometimes best to pick one or two things to focus on at a time. Once those are solid, move on to another. I think quite a few of these list items will require me to draw from all the amazing behavioural techniques I've learned at work. Here's hoping they work as well for me as they do for my munchkins!


I took a look at the list and thought about the motivation for each item, and that helped me focus on the ones I should start with. The Jays game will have to wait, especially since they (devastatingly) lost the ALCS last night. I'm extremely proud of them none the less. But I digress. The turducken and fencing will wait, I need to do some MAJOR prep before I'm ready for a 10K, I still have a few more pounds to go before I make the 3 items of clothing, and I need to figure out exactly HOW I'm going to do the one week tech free. I think the sushi will come soon, but it won't take as much mental fortitude as the items I think I should start now. 


So that leaves not picking my cuticles, reading more, getting up in the morning, improving my housekeeping skills and going on a non-internet date. As I've already said, I'm not in a place right now where I want to start looking for dates. I'm actually pretty happy with the way that aspect of my life is going right now, and I'm not interested in changing it at the moment. My housekeeping would probably improve if I wasn't so tired all the time, and my cuticles, well, that definitely needs to change, but that'll take some very serious reinforcement/punishment to shape. So that leaves 2, which actually go hand in hand. The first list item(s) I'm going to tackle is 10. Get better at getting out of bed in the morning, and along with it (because it will help calm me at night), 11. Read for at least 30 mins 5 times a week. I found a really interesting article on how to make getting out of bed in the morning easier, which I will attempt to follow and will post when I manage to complete it. I start Monday. You'll hear all about it in 21 days...

The Valancy Stirling Project 2015!

Hello! Not a huge post today, just wanted to let everyone know that I have finally nailed down the list items for this year's edition of The Valancy Stirling Project. I was in a bit of a rut, as I explained in this post. Some of these things were on the last list (a couple of them maybe even the last TWO lists), but they were things that I really wanted to accomplish. Looking at the list, I feel like it's pretty ambitious in some respects, but more than anything I feel excited about it. Lets see how it goes!

1. Run a 10K; As some of you know, I started running in the spring. I'm hella slow, and I don't go nearly as often as I should, and the streets by my house are too narrow to run on in the winter, but I'll find a way to get it done. I even have a couple of friends who have volunteered to run with me!

2. Cook a turducken; If one bird is good, surely 3 birds cooked together should be amazing! I think this will be Christmas dinner for my parents and me.

3. Make 3 more pieces of clothing; I have lots of patterns and bought the fabric for a few of them already. The thing that was holding me back from completing this on the last list was that I wanted to lose some weight, and since I've now done that I'm ready to go!

4. Establish better housekeeping habits; I am not a good housekeeper. But I want to be. I'm not a total slob, I just tend to have clutter and dishes are currently my major downfall, but I'm getting better. My plan is to make being tidy a habit....which has failed so far. But it's on the list, so I have to do it!

5. Learn to properly roll sushi; I LOVE sushi and have made a messy version with my friend before, but I want to learn to do it properly. With real, good ingredients. It'll be delicious either way.

*6. Go on at least 1 date with a guy I did NOT meet online; This one I'm not going to start until later in the year. Unless someone comes along and something happens between us naturally, of course. I have to psych myself up for dating, and I have too many other things I want to do in the next few months, so this one will be a later item. I have an interesting plan for it though, so stay tuned!*

7. Take a fencing class; This was an idea from a friend when I put out a call for list item suggestions, and I immediately thought it sounded like an amazing idea. Sadly, we missed the registration for the fall, but we're going to try again in the spring. Clearly, I plan to recreate the sword fighting scene from "The Princess Bride" once I've finished the class.

8. One week tech free; Yeah. Another suggestion from a friend, and one that I really think I should do. I'll have to figure out logistics, since I need my tech for work, and I don't want to be completely cut off from contact with my friends and family. 

9. Stop picking my cuticles; As I sit here chewing on my thumb. Yet another audience request from one of the many friends who slaps my hand every time they see me picking at it. This one will be hard...

10. Get better at getting out of bed in the morning; Why did I pick so many hard things??? Anyway, this NEEDS to happen, because I'm tired of rushing and/or being late for work because I can't motivate myself to get the hell out of bed in the morning. I found some great tips that I'm going to try.

11. Read for at least 30 mins 5 times a week; I absolutely love to read, and keep buying books, but I have not made reading a priority lately. Probably because I've become too dependent on my technology. So I'm going to make it a priority again. Yet another habit-forming list item.

12. Go see a Blue Jays game; This is a big one. I have been a loyal Blue Jays fan since 1991; before the World Series wins, before I played ball myself, and before this year's amazing season. I was 8 years old when I first fell in love with them, and yet I've never seen them play. So I'm going to do it this year. Next season, obviously, because there is no way I'd get to a game this year. I'll have to save up and find someone to go with, but those are minor details. I'm going to see the Jays!!

So there it is! I kind of think I love this list. It's not as long as some of the others, but most of the items will take longer, and do more for my self-improvement in the long run. Wish me luck!

*Update: As of February 4th I am no longer going to go on a date with someone I didn't meet online. See the reasons here. Instead, I am going to make "De-cluttering un-needed items from my life" the new item #6.

Elephant Shoes

Love. Probably my favourite thing in the entire world, hands down. I love being loved, and even more than that, I love loving. People, animals, things. I'm a big, gooey, sappy ball of feels. And as luck would have it, I happen to live a life that allows, nay, encourages me to embrace this aspect of my personality. I am extremely close to my family. We spend a lot of time together and are open and honest about our feelings for one another. I also have amazing friends who are supportive, caring and fill me with laughter and joy. Having a huge heart full of love is vital in my line of work. It might as well be written in my job description. I am continually amazed by the love I feel for the kids that I work with. They can turn a bad day around with the smallest action or smile. I'm pretty sure that my many fandoms and geeky interests are also a bi-product of my need to love. They need to be loved, those fictional characters. 

I watch a ridiculous amount of movies, and many of my most well-worn DVDs are movies about love. "Moulin Rouge" has long been among the top few, and I can't always explain why. Yes, it's a musical, one of my favourite genres, and yes, it has updated versions of classic songs, which I'm almost always a fan of, and yes, it stars my now-and-forever love Ewan McGregor, but the reasons I love it go much deeper than that. The main theme of the movie is the main theme of my life. Above all things, love. The quote in this picture is on a canvas in my room. It's the first thing I see when I wake up in the morning and the last thing I see before I go to sleep. I did that for a reason. 

There is one particular line in the movie that has always resonated with me, not as much for its message, like the one above, but for the simple fact that it sums up exactly how I feel about love. Despite the fact that the character who says it seems to live a wild, carefree life, there is something missing, and I can empathize with him. I DO long for love with every fiber of my being. I always have, and I always will. 

Now, without sounding too conceited, I know that I have a lot to offer a partner. I'm lucky enough to be surrounded by people who never let me forget my worth. I'm smart, cute, friendly, caring, have a wide variety of interests, own my own car, have a good job, average amount of debt, my family is only the normal amount of crazy, my punctuality is improving, my housekeeping and cooking skills are getting less disturbing with each passing day, I don't growl at people in the morning (even if it takes me an hour to actually get out of the damn bed), and I'm really getting my potential hoarding tendencies under control. But I'm still single. I'm stumped. 

Before you start spouting clichés at me, understand that I'm not looking for sympathy or kind words. I'm just stating facts. I am single. I have never had the kind of relationship that I can truly be myself and comfortable in. I've only been in love once, almost 4 years ago, and THAT love was the naive, self conscious love of someone who didn't really know what she was doing. I yearn to be in love. I ache for it. I desperately want to be able to throw myself, heart and soul, into a relationship with someone who feels the same way about me. Am I pining for it, wasting my life waiting for a man to complete me? No. Not at all. I know that my purpose in life isn't to meet the perfect guy, fall in love and have babies. My purpose in life is to live well and be happy. I am doing that now. But I am also a hopeless romantic, and I believe that somewhere out there, someone is living their life, looking forward to the day when our lives finally intertwine. Will our life be perfect? No. But it will be ours and we will live it together.  

And so, part of my journey this year will be to continue living my life, grateful for what I have and exploring new avenues. But along with that, one of my most exciting and challenging list items will be to put myself out there, where, hopefully, the right person and I will finally meet. Here's to the journey.

Learning to Love the Fool in Me

Ok. I'll admit it. I am a horrible blogger. Despite the fact that I adore my blog and all the fantastic things it has brought into my life, I just haven't been making it a priority. I guess I felt like it had served its purpose. It helped me re-connect with the best parts of myself, the parts that I'd pushed aside for years. And I have been so busy enjoying life that I just didn't have time to sit down and write. 

But lately I've been feeling a bit...off. Not myself. Sort of lost. Nothing major, just not as full of joy and excitement for life as I was a few months ago. I've slipped back into my old habits; overthinking, stressing, doubting myself. I feel like I'm treading water in a really big lake when I should be fighting against the current to make it to the shore. I've gotten too comfortable with my life and haven't been pushing myself to try new things. 





And so, I've decided that it's time to resurrect The Valancy Stirling Project, in all its challenging glory. A new list of things to do, a new list of struggles to overcome. I'm still working out exactly what it is I want to include, but I have a few ideas that I'm pretty excited to share. 

But before we begin a new list, I am proud to say that I (without remembering that most of these things were on the list in the first place) completed quite a few of the items on last year's list. Yay me!




3. Get in Better Shape: I joined a wellness group, started running and eating better, and as a result I am excited to report that I have lost 22 pounds and 26 3/4 inches since February.

4. Be a Kick-Ass Maid of Honour: It was the most beautiful, relaxed, joyous wedding that I have ever been to, and my speech and slide show went over very well. I'd say I succeeded.  

6. Cook Meals at Home as Much as Possible: Prepping on Sundays has become one of my favourite times of the week and I have discovered some amazingly healthy and delicious new recipes in the process.

7. Start an RRSP: I did this! Like a real grown up, I made an appointment at the bank and set it up. If I retired today I could buy myself a whole order of groceries with what I've saved so far! Good thing I have 35-40 years to go...

8. Expand My Product Line and Build Up Stock: Check! I set up a mobile Blue Box Creations system that is always in my trunk. Now I can just restock items periodically.

9. Build Up My Savings: I finished paying off my student loan in August and am now putting that money in the Tax Free Savings account I opened while I was setting up my RRSP. 

11. Stop Being Late All the Time: Oh so much progress!! I'm still occasionally a few minutes late, but it's so much better than it was. 

There were only 11 things on last year's list so it looks like I did pretty well. Now to create this year's list. Once I know what it'll include, you'll know. I've discovered that I'm still changing. And I think I need to get to know who I'm becoming.