Ink

I finally did it. This was the item I figured I'd be most likely to back out of. And for a brief moment before the needle actually touched my skin, I almost did. But I went through with it. List item number 23, Get a Tattoo is officially complete.

This was a biggie. I'd thought about getting a tattoo for years, and almost did once. I have a friend who has tattoos all over her body and I always thought they looked beautiful. They all meant something to her, and that's what I wanted, so one time when she was going I almost went with her, but it didn't work out. For a long time I'd planned to get drama masks, but that desire kind of went away after I graduated and stopped acting, yet the idea of getting something permanently etched on my skin has stuck with me. I've never wanted to get a tattoo just for the sake of being different, and everything I've ever thought about getting tattooed on myself had some kind of meaning to me.

When I started the Project and was trying so desperately to rediscover who I was, one of the things that jumped out at me was to get a tattoo. My ex had never seemed real keen on me getting one, not that he would have tried to stop me, but it was one of the main reasons I didn't get one sooner. So this seemed like a perfect chance for me to do it, with a goal in mind and the motivation to stick to the plan. 

When I started looking for possible tattoos I went through many options, and some of them I may still get in the future, such as a puzzle piece in honour of the many, many wonderful kids I've cared about who have autism, and a celtic knot to celebrate my celtic heritage. Pretty quickly, though, I started looking very seriously at quotes. 

A line from one of my favourite movies, 'Moulin Rouge'. I ended up using it for wall art in my bedroom instead. I thought it might be kind of long for a tattoo.










I also thought about the first verse of this poem by Emily Dickinson, which I've always loved. Hope has gotten me through many rough times.

This is not my arm, it's just a picture of someone else with a tattoo from a Florence and the Machine song called 'Shake it Out', which I listened to almost non-stop for a few months in the fall. Good message and a great song.














These all seemed to be a bit long for a first tattoo, so I started thinking of the things that I'd said to myself to make it through the darkest times in my life. Big ones are 'everything happens for a reason' and 'it is what it is', but neither of them seemed right for a tattoo. One of the hardest things for me to do is to stop thinking about things and just let life unfold for itself. In other words, let it be. Then, one day I was sitting here watching TV, and someone was singing 'Let it Be' by the Beatles. As the song started and they sang the first line, 'When I find myself in times of trouble Mother Mary comes to me, speaking words of wisdom, let it be', I started to tear up. So I just sat and listened to the song, a song I'd heard hundreds of times, and really let it soak in. 'There will be an answer, let it be'. And that's when I knew. I knew that THAT was my quote. Let it be. Sometimes in my life I look for too much to happen too quickly, and I over-think things until I drive myself crazy, but over the last 10 months I've learned that all the worrying and thinking in the world won't make things happen before it's time for them to happen. I'm a much calmer person now and I'm more interested in enjoying what I have in life than in wishing away the days, waiting for things to happen. Love will come again when it's ready. If I'm responsible and patient my money situation will work out. I won't always have to live in my parents' basement, but for now it's what's best, so I'm going to let it be.

I'll tell you a bit about the actual getting of the tattoo. I went to work that day and as the time got closer I began to feel more and more nervous. My friend drove me over and as I sat there waiting to start I tried not to think about it. I'd heard that the back hurt a lot, but I figured since I'd had 2 different massage therapists tell me that I have a high pain tolerance, it shouldn't be too bad. He put the stencil on and it looked good to me, so away we went. As I lay there on the table while he got the needle ready I gritted my teeth and briefly thought about calling off the whole thing. But then he started. And it really wasn't that bad at all. I mean, it didn't feel awesome, but it didn't hurt all that badly either. And just when it started to hurt more and I thought I'd have to get him to stop, he'd lift the needle. It was all over and done with in about an hour. I was proud of myself and am now a little afraid that since it DIDN'T hurt all that bad I'll want to get more.

I was hoping my friend could get some pictures of my face during the process, but the tattoo artist was a lefty, so I was facing away from my friend. She did get this one after it was all over though. It's looking less red now, and instead it's kind if itchy and scabby.

And so, it's done. I now have a constant reminder of how far I've come and some great words to live by will never be far away. And just in case you feel like listening to one of the greatest songs ever written, here's a link.

Let it Be- The Beatles