Matchmaker, Matchmaker, Make Me a Match

The time has come, the walrus said, to talk of...dating. List item number 29, Go on a date. I suck at dating. Always did. I shall now chronicle my sad dating history for you, dear reader. Please don't judge me. 

My first real date didn't happen until I was 21, and it was just a one time occurrence. It was with a guy I'd had a crush on in university who moved to Toronto. He came back for a visit at Christmas and we went out on our date. It was a really good date and after he went home to Toronto we messaged back and forth a bit, but it was doomed before it began.

My second date was with 'Cute Bus Guy' as my friend and I dubbed him. He took the city transit bus from university with me and we also used to see him out at the bar a lot. After some flirting (mostly on his part) I gave him my number and we talked on the phone a few times. Nothing earth shattering. We only went on one date, and it was...weird. He wouldn't come pick me up in Grand Bay so I had to get my dad to drive me to the east side to meet up with him. Then we spent the next few hours at his friend, the pot dealer's house. We made out when his friend went out and that, my friends, was pretty much it. After that the illusion was broken and, in true douchebag style, when I told him not to call me anymore he said 'your loss'. I can assure you, it was not.

My third date was with my ex. He found me on a website and messaged me. After messaging, emailing and chatting for about a month I suggested we meet. It was pretty good, and after a few more dates we were an official item. But we all know how that ended, now don't we?

Once I recovered from the breakup, I really just focused on the project and on figuring out who the hell I was. But it's been a year now, and I'm starting to get the itch. Not that itch. You have such dirty minds! I miss the fun of being in a relationship, and honestly, I need a bit of a push to stop dressing like a slob and to start shaving my legs again. But finding a date at this age...is challenging. I don't go to university anymore, so there goes a huge dating pool. I work with entirely women, and the males that I DO see at work are parents of clients and I am not allowed to date them (not to mention that most of them are already taken). I also don't have any single girlfriends to go out looking for guys with, and at this age, most of my friends' male friends are either married or too young. It's a crisis for the ages. So that pretty much leaves it up to me. As you may have noticed, the majority of my activities don't exactly put me in the line of vision of many eligible bachelor. Or ineligible for that matter. So what's a girl to do to find a date in this day and age?

Online dating.

This was my expectation for online dating.





 

This is my reality.












Why did I think this would be easy? This button does not exist. Although it should. Why did I think this would be any less stressful than real dating? Why am a such an anxiety bag? Why, why, WHY??? 




 


  

I couldn't even write my own profile. My best friend did it for me. Granted, I was there and gave her input, but for the most part it was all her. 

How I feel

I like to think I am a good conversationalist, and that I am at least decently funny. I never have a hard time carrying on conversations in person. But here's the dilemma. When it's a guy I'm interested in (at least, from what I remember from the last time I was single) I seem to freeze up. I sound like someone who is just learning the English language and is only able to use short sentences. I like movies. Do you like movies? I am horrible at writing messages that a person who does not know me would be interested in reading and, consequently, making them interested in meeting me. And I don't know how to flirt. In writing or in person. There is something to be said for arranged marriages.

And so, it comes to this. Once I had a profile set up I found a guy who seemed really great, so in a fit of bravery, I messaged him. He responded, and after messaging back and forth for about 2 weeks, I figured I'd be brave again and ask him out for coffee. At which point he said he didn't think we were the right match. But he wished me good luck, which CLEARLY made me feel much better. Foiled again.

Yeah, it hurt for a bit, and I will admit to moping for the rest of the day, but today I'm fine. So, attempt number one at list item number 29 was a big fail, but I'll try again. I'll keep my eyes open for potentials online, but I think I might also try keeping my eyes open in the real world too. You never know what the next day will bring.