Elephant Shoes

Love. Probably my favourite thing in the entire world, hands down. I love being loved, and even more than that, I love loving. People, animals, things. I'm a big, gooey, sappy ball of feels. And as luck would have it, I happen to live a life that allows, nay, encourages me to embrace this aspect of my personality. I am extremely close to my family. We spend a lot of time together and are open and honest about our feelings for one another. I also have amazing friends who are supportive, caring and fill me with laughter and joy. Having a huge heart full of love is vital in my line of work. It might as well be written in my job description. I am continually amazed by the love I feel for the kids that I work with. They can turn a bad day around with the smallest action or smile. I'm pretty sure that my many fandoms and geeky interests are also a bi-product of my need to love. They need to be loved, those fictional characters. 

I watch a ridiculous amount of movies, and many of my most well-worn DVDs are movies about love. "Moulin Rouge" has long been among the top few, and I can't always explain why. Yes, it's a musical, one of my favourite genres, and yes, it has updated versions of classic songs, which I'm almost always a fan of, and yes, it stars my now-and-forever love Ewan McGregor, but the reasons I love it go much deeper than that. The main theme of the movie is the main theme of my life. Above all things, love. The quote in this picture is on a canvas in my room. It's the first thing I see when I wake up in the morning and the last thing I see before I go to sleep. I did that for a reason. 

There is one particular line in the movie that has always resonated with me, not as much for its message, like the one above, but for the simple fact that it sums up exactly how I feel about love. Despite the fact that the character who says it seems to live a wild, carefree life, there is something missing, and I can empathize with him. I DO long for love with every fiber of my being. I always have, and I always will. 

Now, without sounding too conceited, I know that I have a lot to offer a partner. I'm lucky enough to be surrounded by people who never let me forget my worth. I'm smart, cute, friendly, caring, have a wide variety of interests, own my own car, have a good job, average amount of debt, my family is only the normal amount of crazy, my punctuality is improving, my housekeeping and cooking skills are getting less disturbing with each passing day, I don't growl at people in the morning (even if it takes me an hour to actually get out of the damn bed), and I'm really getting my potential hoarding tendencies under control. But I'm still single. I'm stumped. 

Before you start spouting clichés at me, understand that I'm not looking for sympathy or kind words. I'm just stating facts. I am single. I have never had the kind of relationship that I can truly be myself and comfortable in. I've only been in love once, almost 4 years ago, and THAT love was the naive, self conscious love of someone who didn't really know what she was doing. I yearn to be in love. I ache for it. I desperately want to be able to throw myself, heart and soul, into a relationship with someone who feels the same way about me. Am I pining for it, wasting my life waiting for a man to complete me? No. Not at all. I know that my purpose in life isn't to meet the perfect guy, fall in love and have babies. My purpose in life is to live well and be happy. I am doing that now. But I am also a hopeless romantic, and I believe that somewhere out there, someone is living their life, looking forward to the day when our lives finally intertwine. Will our life be perfect? No. But it will be ours and we will live it together.  

And so, part of my journey this year will be to continue living my life, grateful for what I have and exploring new avenues. But along with that, one of my most exciting and challenging list items will be to put myself out there, where, hopefully, the right person and I will finally meet. Here's to the journey.