How to Make Friends and Stop Picking Your Fingers

I hate this time of year. I can't explain it, but every year from New Years until sometime in March I just feel off. It could be the cold weather, which I hate. It could be the dry air from turning the heaters on, which parches my skin and leaves my nose itchy. It could be the fact that February has traditionally been a horrible month for me. I was dumped in February twice. By the same guy. 6 years apart. Yup. Should have learned my lesson the first time apparently. And of course there's Valentine's Day. Also not a traditionally joyous day for me. 

Whatever it is, the Winter blues seem to be hitting me harder than usual this year. I'm not sleeping. I don't really want to make plans. I seem to be worrying more than normal about things that I really shouldn't worry about. And my conversational skills are slipping. I run out of topics quickly and I'm not as witty as usual. Even this blog post isn't funny. I'm a mess.


I'm doing what I can to try to get myself out of this funk. I've started taking Vitamin D (the sunshine vitamin!) and Melatonin to help me sleep, which seems to be working the last few nights. I'm forcing myself to go out even if I don't want to (and I end up enjoying myself of course) and I'm trying to stay calm and not overthink things. And I swear, this blog post will be funny be the time I'm done. But I'm a work in progress, so please be patient with me. Tell me I'm pretty and give me a cookie.

In addition to all these things, I decided to give myself a project. I'm going to keep working on the getting up early thing, but when you're not sleeping, every second of sleep counts, so it hasn't really been a priority for me lately. So I needed a NEW project. Enter DERMATILLOMANIA.

Yes folks, that's right. I apparently have yet another disorder/syndrome thing that no one has ever heard of. Check it out here. It's official, I'm in the DSM. Basically, what it means is that I have this compulsive habit of picking my fingers. I don't even notice I'm doing it most of the time. It's especially bad when I'm at the movies or doing something else that doesn't keep my hands busy. Although that's not the only time. I'm doing it as I write this. 


Now, you may think "So what? So you pull the occasional hang-nail". Unfortunately, it's so much more than that. My fingers are always rough and usually bleeding. They hurt. I've gotten infections. They look awful and it's embarrassing. Every time I have a manicure I get a lecture. And I'm sick of it.



Time to call on my behavioural training. I work with preschoolers with Autism, so I spend a lot of time figuring out how to change behaviours. But it's a bit different when it's your OWN behaviour you're trying to change. I looked up some suggestions on how to stop, and the first one listed was "wear gloves". Yeah. Not sure that'll be easy to explain in my professional life. I'll be one step away from a Michael Jackson face mask. Another was to write down how I'm feeling when I pick. At this point in time I'm pretty much always feeling slightly anxious, and I don't think pointing it out will really help. Staying busy was another suggestion. I already keep pretty busy and still manage to pick. That left 2 suggestions, which I'll be combining and turning into behavioural techniques. And this is where you guys benefit.

I will be combining negative punishment and positive reinforcement to change my behaviour. The first step is the negative punishment. Every time someone catches me picking my fingers I will immediately have to give them a quarter. So yes, I will constantly have pockets full of change for the next little while. I'm not sure how giving away my money will help me beat the winter blues, but maybe it'll shock me into submission. Hopefully it goes quickly and I won't cause a quarter shortage. Too bad arcades aren't on every corner anymore or you guys would be all set.


The second step will be to positively reinforce myself for going 2 weeks without picking by treating myself to a manicure. It'll be so nice to get one that doesn't hurt and to not have to listen to the manicurist tell me not to pick. I have no idea how long this will take me to achieve, but maybe I'll be a better behavioural therapist than I think. 




So there you have it. I have a plan. And some of you are going to make some serious money off me. But hopefully it'll work and I'll be able to proudly show off my fancy new blood-free hands. And maybe succeeding in this will help bust me out of this slump I've been in. But telling me I'm pretty will still help ;-)

This post is STILL not funny. Hurry up March!