Lost...and Found

This post isn't about a list item that I've completed, but it's about how I'm starting to achieve my ultimate goal; to find myself again. 

I was part of a couple for over 6 years, and although I was happy, I feel like I wasn't always myself. It wasn't my ex's fault. He never asked me to change the way I acted or the things I did, but I was so insecure in my ability to keep him in love with me that I spent most of my time trying to fit myself into the mold of what I thought he wanted. In the end it didn't work. He moved on and I was left with a person I no longer really recognized; me.

I think that was the real reason I started the Valancy Stirling Project. I had forgotten how to love myself and the things I loved to do. I missed my sense of humour, which had somehow diminished over the years and I didn't know how to start my new life. I had no idea what kind of future I wanted because I didn't know who I was anymore. All the sadness I'd felt when my ex and I broke up made it even worse. It was a deep hole to climb out of, but I feel like I'm starting to make it.

Lately I've been finding myself quicker with jokes, and ones that are actually funny. I'm no longer just trying to get through one day to make it to the next with hopes that it'll be better. I'm enjoying myself at work, being much more positive and I'm back to doing many of the things I love that had gotten left by the wayside over the last few years. I'm reading more, trying new restaurants, going to the movies and experimenting with fashion to find my own sense of style.

One of the things I'm most thankful for about the last few months is that I've really had the opportunity to appreciate and enjoy my friends. My circle of friends has definitely gotten smaller since my high school and university days, but the friends I have now are the kind of friends who pack a lot of punch into their small numbers. Over the last few months I have been able to maintain and strengthen my relationships with my ex's sister and sister-in-law, who have always meant so much to me, and this has made the break-up seem like less of a tragedy. His nieces and nephews are still in my life thanks to their amazing mothers. I've also been able to become REAL friends with my "work friends". We've been through a lot together this year and we've come out stronger, both individually and as a group. I'm so thankful to have co-workers who actually care about me, who push me to become better and who root for me to succeed, and I'm glad that we've come to a place where we can spend time together outside of work and no longer just be workplace friends.

I've also come to see just how lucky I am to have my two best friends. I have been friends with them since early elementary school, and they have been with me every step of the way, through every triumph and heartbreak. If it weren't for them, I think I would have been far more lost, possibly beyond redemption and I thank God everyday for making six year old me take the time to get to know them. And my sister. Where to begin with my sister? I was her second mother when she was young, and I spoiled her rotten. Through her pre-teen and early teen years we didn't get along. As we both got older we became close again, friends even, and somewhere along the line she became a pretty incredible person. There were times in these last few months when I didn't know where to turn, and it was my sister that I called, on the other side of the country. My baby sister saved the day. 

I count myself lucky that I have parents and friends who have never given up on me and who have had the patience to let me find my way back to myself. And although there are times when I do miss certain parts of being in a relationship, for the first time in a long time I am happy and proud of who I am. I am fine with being single. I may start to date in a couple of months, but for now I'm just taking things as they come and I feel good about it. If someone comes along that's great, but I'm not rushing anything, because I want to make sure that the right Lisa enters into a new relationship, one who will be true to herself and won't make the same mistakes as before. And I'm starting to feel like I'm almost ready...